“Becoming is better than being”
Carol S. Dweck
This Week’s Topic:
We are imperfect creatures and we all make mistakes, all the time. But we also are powerful enough to reinvent ourselves and become the person we aspire to be. It is never too late, we just have to go for it.
Key Takeaways:
- It’s cool to want more: Being curious and ambitious doesn’t mean you’re not grateful. You can totally appreciate what you have and still want to be better.
- Life’s tough, but you’re not alone: We all struggle, make mistakes, and have those internal battles. It’s normal!
- Forgive yourself: It’s okay not to be perfect or positive all the time. Be kind to yourself, then learn from your mistakes.
- Keep learning and growing: We’re always evolving, and that’s what makes us interesting. Don’t give up!
- What’s your “success” right now?: Take a moment to figure out what’s most important to you. That changes over time.
- Being an imperfect parent (or person) is fine: It’s okay to mess up, apologize, and show your kids (or anyone!) that you’re working on improving.
- Mistakes are stepping stones: Don’t let screw-ups get you down. See them as chances to learn and become the person you want to be.
- Tomorrow’s a fresh start: You’ve got the power to reinvent yourself and make things better. Believe in it!
Do you consider yourself curious and ambitious? Sometimes these characteristics might be misinterpreted as a lack of gratefulness or an inability to live in the present. I disagree. I believe you can be grateful while still desiring more from life. You could strive to live at your full potential while feeling grateful for the life you currently have. I want to believe I love the person I am; I try to be gracious with myself, understanding where I come from and why I am the way I am. Yet, at the same time, I aspire to be a better person, for myself and for my kids.
Life is challenging, it throws curveballs and keeps you on your toes. We’ve all developed different mechanisms to navigate these challenges. Sometimes these mechanisms help us get through life, but they also come with a price – a price we often pay alone, internally, in those daily battles to keep going. Sometimes we feel we’re the only ones struggling. But we’re not alone. We are all confronting something, challenged by something, suffering a little….or a lot.
I’ve discovered that it’s important to forgive ourselves for not being perfect, for not having positive energy every day, for reacting in ways we know we shouldn’t, and for not doing everything we’re “supposed” to do. After forgiving ourselves and looking in the mirror with more love than judgement, we can try to learn something every single day that will help us feel more centered, fulfilled, and happy in this crazy journey called life.
I am here to walk with you on that journey, you’re not alone. We are all beautifully imperfect, and that only makes us more interesting, complex and amazing.
We, the lifetime learners, do not give up. We might rest a bit (or a lot if needed), and then we stand up again and keep walking, all the way to the end.
I was reading Tony Hsieh’s book, Delivering Happiness. He’s the co-founder of LinkExchange and former CEO of Zappos. It’s interesting to read stories of success narrated by their protagonists. There’s a part of the book where Tony narrates a moment when he asked himself these questions: “ What is success? What is happiness? What am I working toward?” These are profound questions that I have asked myself at different moments in my life and have had different answers depending on the circumstances. Sometimes the answer might be related to a successful career or a financial goal; sometimes we get confused, and it’s attached to material possessions; it could be a fulfilling sentimental relationship, or often it’s related to our role as parents and our kids’ happiness.
Life has many different aspects, and we play different roles at different times, often with overlap. I think we feel pressure to be good at everything all the time, but honestly, that is impossible; we’re human and have limitations. However, I believe it’s good to have aspirations and the goal to try to be a little better every day, based on our priorities. But for that, we first need to analyze and determine our priorities in life at that precise moment.
For example, right now, in my life, my priority is my kids’ well-being. That defines what success and happiness mean to me. By that, I don’t mean they need to be successful for me to feel good; I mean that is my top priority to help them, support them, cheer them on, and guide them with love and respect on their personal, particular, special and unique life journeys. And when I can be part of it, when I can apply what I learn to be a better person for them, in the particular way each one of them needs me, then I feel I’m being successful and happy, because I am making their lives better – my presence and participation make their lives better. I am an imperfect mother, I am human after all. Every day I make mistakes. Every time, I try to apologize for the mistakes I make. Every day I compromise again and vow to be a better mom the next day. It is a constant battle against my nature, the way I’ve reacted and responded to life for 50 years, and the person and mother I aspire to be – more calm, serene, understanding, patient. This is not who I am in my raw state, and although I like many things about my personality, there are many negative traits I wish I didn’t have, and I work very hard every day to change them. And the many times I can’t stop myself and am just impatient and reactive, I try to double-check myself and go back to my family to apologize for my outbursts and explain to them that I am also in the process of improving myself everyday, and I’m working hard at it.
I can feel the magic in that moment when I’m apologizing and explaining my journey of permanent improvement, I can see my kids seeing me vulnerable and imperfect, but at the same time seeing their mom is working at getting better, so the mistake is not the end of the road. I believe I am teaching my kids a valuable lesson right there: that we all make mistakes, and that is ok, if we take that mistake, own it, and do something good with it. I want them to believe with all their hearts that they are changing and learning and growing every single day, and that any mistake we make today is a stepping stone to keep getting better. I am a firm believer in the growth mindset; it is a powerful concept because it is liberating. It teaches us that we are not a final product; we have the opportunity and the power of becoming the person we want to be. We just have to embrace our daily mistakes and see them as an opportunity instead of letting them take us down. We should be proud of our mistakes, because we are trying, and anyone who tries something will make mistakes. The only difference is when we do something with them, when we pay attention and learn from them and purposefully act on improving and changing.
How wonderful it is to think of tomorrow as a new opportunity, a new chance to start all over again, to take our pain, whatever hurts, our mistakes, and also our achievements, our victories, our blessings, and reinvent ourselves, learn from today, and make a better tomorrow. We have the power to do it, and we deserve it.
Would you be brave and recognize you have the power to become the person you want to be? Are you willing to see yourself in the mirror this week and find a mistake you would like to overcome?
I believe in you.
See you next week.
With love,
Silvia
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