How to Talk to Teens About Consent | A Parent’s Guide
There are some conversations I wish we didn’t have to have with our kids.
Consent is one of them.
Not because it’s inappropriate. Not because our kids are “too young.” And not because talking about sex somehow encourages them to have sex.
I wish we didn’t have to have these conversations because I wish our children could grow up in a world where respecting another person’s boundaries was simply understood.
But they don’t.
And the recent allegations surrounding Cornell University have been a painful reminder of that.
A former Cornell student has alleged that she was sexually assaulted by multiple fraternity members in 2024 while heavily intoxicated and impaired. The case has raised serious questions about consent, alcohol and drugs, peer culture, and how institutions respond to accusations of sexual assault.
I’m not interested in using someone else’s trauma to scare my children. But I do think moments like this force us, as parents, to ask ourselves:
Have I actually talked to my kids about consent—or have I just assumed they know?
I don’t want my daughters to only learn, “Protect yourself.” I want them to know: You never owe anyone your body. And you can change your mind.
Being attracted to someone doesn’t mean you owe them anything.
Saying yes to one thing doesn’t mean yes to everything.
And if you’re too intoxicated, unconscious, or otherwise unable to make a clear decision, that’s not a green light.
But here’s the part I think we sometimes avoid: I want my son to hear this just as clearly.
Because consent isn’t just something we teach our daughters to demand. It’s something we teach our sons to respect.
I want my kids to understand that silence isn’t permission, and if someone has to be pressured, persuaded, or guilted, that isn’t consent.
That if someone seems uncomfortable, frozen, confused, or unable to make a clear decision, you stop.
And I want them to understand that being a good person isn’t about finding the technical line of what you can get away with. It’s about caring enough about another human being that you don’t want to cross a line at all.
We can’t outsource this conversation to college.
This is where I think we parents sometimes get uncomfortable.
We tell ourselves they’ll learn about consent at school, from health class, from college orientation or from their friends.
But by the time they’re sitting in a college dorm room, they’re already bringing years of messages about relationships, sex, alcohol, pornography, masculinity, femininity, boundaries and respect with them. And those messages aren’t always coming from us.
We can’t wait until our kids leave home to start teaching them how to treat other people.
These conversations don’t have to be one giant, terrifying “sex talk.” They can happen in the car, after watching something on television, when a song or social media post opens the door, or when they’re talking about a friend.
And honestly, sometimes the conversation can be as simple as: “Let me tell you what I believe about this.” Then we listen.
Because I don’t want my children to be afraid to come to me when something goes wrong. I want them to know they can tell me the uncomfortable or embarrassing thing. The thing they think will make me angry.
And yes, I’m going to have conversations about protecting themselves. But I’m also going to talk about protecting other people.
Raising children who understand consent isn’t just about preventing them from becoming victims. It’s about raising human beings who understand boundaries, responsibility, empathy and respect.
And maybe that’s the conversation we need to be having more often. Not because our children are bad. But because being a good person doesn’t happen by accident. We teach it.
If you have teenagers or young adults, don’t wait for the perfect moment to have this conversation. Start somewhere.
Ask them what they think consent means. Listen before you lecture. And keep the door open for the next conversation.
One uncomfortable conversation at home can be far more valuable than wishing we had talked about it before.
If this made you think about a conversation you need to have with your child, share it with another parent. We need to talk about these things more—not less.
Thank you for reading, see you next week.
With love,
Silvia
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